oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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