There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
