Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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