I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
