Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
