There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
