Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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