So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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