Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
