I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
