Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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