You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
