I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
