I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
