I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
