Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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