i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
