My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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