I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
