the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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