Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
