Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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