i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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