No stitches, just platelets and will power
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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