Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
