Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
