remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
