she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
