3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
