She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
