420 ftw
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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