I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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