A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
