never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
