Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
