I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
