i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
