I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
