it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
