At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
