wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
