and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
