he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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