I am in a vortex of obligation.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
