I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
