on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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