well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
