i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
