respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
