so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
