I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
