Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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