you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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